EMBRACING THE POWER OF LOVE
Guide Description:
In this guide will explore the impact of love on our individual well-being, relationships and in community building. We begin with an examination of love in its various forms—romantic, familial, platonic and self-love—and the ways each influences our lives.
The guide covers the following key areas:
Understanding Love: exploring its significance in personal and collective growth.
Cultivating Self-Love: laying a solid foundation for loving others.
Enhancing Relationships: Develop skills for building and sustaining healthy relationships by practicing open communication, empathy, and forgiveness.
Love in Action: Investigate the expression of love through acts of kindness, community engagement, and social responsibility, reinforcing the connection between love and positive societal change.
Learning Objective:
By the end of this guide we will be equipped with practical tools to integrate the power of love into our daily lives and understand the importance and impact of love to us as individuals and humanity in general. We’ll be looking at: -
a) Defining love
b) Types of love
c) Impact of love on Mind + Body
d) The value of love to humanity
"To Kindness and Love, the things we need most!" ~ The Grinch
Reflection Point: Below are questions to reflect on before we get started: Take a moment to honestly examine yourself and the answers you provide -
What does love mean to you? How would you define it in your own terms?
What does loving yourself mean to you?
Do you consider love an important part of life?
Would you consider love a strength or weakness? Why?
How do you express love towards others? Are there different ways you express love to different people in your life?
How does your cultural background, societal influences, and personal values shape your understanding of love?
Defining Love
Like happiness, love is an emotional state comprised of mostly positive feelings. These feelings could consist of a very tender, passionate affection for another person, a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection- like that of a parent, child, or friend, or as a sexual passion or desire for another person.
Being surrounded by love often leads to a strong sense of self-worth which can lead to healthier decisions on future relationships. It is the foundation of strong human units, from family, to small community groups to society at large. The presence of love within communities is what helps check our selfish attitudes, encouraging empathy and a desire for fairness and equality.
Several studies show that being in love releases high levels of Dopamine, a chemical in the brain that activates the reward circuit, helping to make experiencing love a pleasurable occurrence similar to the euphoria associated with use of cocaine or alcohol.
Regardless of the type on the individual level, love helps people adopt better habits into their daily lives, it promotes confidence, a positive outlook, helps in reducing anxiety and lowers the chance of developing depression or other forms of mental distress.
Feeling loved or accepted is one of the best feeling a human can experience without stimulants.
Types of Love
As humans, we experience love in many different ways, from friendship to familial to the obsessed, in this section, we will be looking at the 5 encompassing types as studied and named by ancient Greeks. Each is important in its own right and helps to build us up at different points in our lives and the society we live in. The 5 types of love we will be looking at are:
· Agape — Selfless Love
· Storge — Familial Love.
· Philia — Affectionate Love.
· Eros — Romantic Love.
· Philautia — Self Love.
1. Agape — Unconditional Love
First, we have agape love. This is an altruistic, selfless, unconditional love. The more of this type of love we have in the world, the better our communities are for it, because it puts the needs of the collective above that of the individual.
It is the presence and growth of this type of love that creates a cooperative society we all long to belong to. It is non-judgmental, accepting and empathetic. It promotes the desire to do no harm and finds ways to bring equality to all.
Agape love can be infectious as it spurs us to ‘pass on’ the goodness we receive from others by sharing and reaching out to others even when we have nothing to personally gain by it.
2. Storge — Familial Love
Storge is also known as “familial love.” This for me, is foundational love, the first type we are exposed to, or get to experience as we grow up and step out into the world. It is a natural and instinctive feeling, like the love of a parent for their child and vice versa, and a love shared among family.
Storge like Agape, is not physical or sexual in nature, but more of a strong bond, or kinship between people. Experiencing familial love promotes a sense of confidence in an individual, it creates a sense of calm, a peace within that solidifies their place in the world with the knowledge that there is a place to return to regardless of what stressors one may encounter in the world.
Without this foundational love, the feeling of loneliness, anger, a lack of self-worth and possibly hatred for oneself and others can arise, that if left unchecked, can lead to greater harm.
3. Philia — Affectionate Love
Philia is described as “affectionate love.” In Aristotle's Nicomachean Ethics, philia is usually translated as "friendship" or affection. The complete opposite is called a phobia.
Philia is the kind of love that is shared between friends. It is built on trust. It is platonic in nature and carries with it a respect for that whom you care for. It is also not physical or sexual in nature, but more a comfortable familiarity amongst friends.
For those who, for whatever reason or circumstance, did not experience Storge, Philia is the next best thing to familial love. Though it takes longer to develop, it can be just as trusting and dependable as family.
4. Eros — Romantic Love
Named after the Greek god of love and fertility, Eros is the expression of love that is associated with romantic, passionate, sexual love. It is the one type of love most people wish to experience in their lifetime. A whole genre of books, movies and shows have been created around Eros and an absence of it can lead to a feeling of lack of fulfilment in an individual, however financially successful they may be.
Though not always the motivation, this type of love – especially in modern times – is seen as being important in the expansion and growth of humanity in terms of procreation. If parties involved share a genuine love for each other, this can be the bedrock of Storge.
The outcome of passionate love can be negative or positive, it can make us bold, get out of our comfort zone, do what we previously thought impossible and take on chances to either please, or get the attention of those whom we love. It is also easy to lose control in Eros, if one is not balanced, and can lead to the manipulation of one party.
5. Philautia — Self-love
Philautia is simply self-love or self-esteem. Sometimes we tend to associate self-love with being vain, selfish, or egotistical, however, what this refers to, is more to how a person views themselves and how they view their mind and body. People with high self-esteem, pride in themselves, or a positive body image, practice a healthy version of Philautia.
Self-love or self-esteem helps us stay comfortable with who we are, even with our imperfections, it is not negative or unhealthy in any way. In fact, it is a necessary ingredient to be able to give and receive love from other people. We cannot give to others what we don’t have. And if we don’t love ourselves, how can we truly love others?
Another way to look at self-love is by thinking about it as self-compassion. Just as you might show affection and love to another person, you must also show that same affection and love to yourself.
This helps to avoid the pitfall of struggling to be someone else or change ourselves into what we think is more acceptable to society or to fit into a certain group.
It can lead to an obsessive need to change who we are, to self-hate and other mental disorders, also a lack of self-confidence which can impact life in general, including school, work and future relationships. It is hard to accept love in this state of mind, because of a sense of unworthiness, and we may even begin to resent those who try to show us love, believing they are being deceptive.
The absence of Philautia can lead to destructive behaviors and those who lack it need to be treated with care, compassion and understanding.
Reflection Point
Think of the role of self-love in your life. How do you prioritize self-care and self-compassion? How has this impacted your ability to love others?
If any, what type of love are you missing?
Does its absence create resentment in you?
To what extent are you willing to sacrifice for those you love? How do you ensure a healthy and reciprocal relationship?
What are your fears and insecurities relating to love? How do they influence your actions and choices in relationships?
How do you work through these fears to cultivate a healthier understanding of love?
Impact of Love on Mind + Body
In an article in The New York Times on love titled How Love Changes Your Brain, Hope Reese writes on the work of Stephanie Cacioppo, a neuroscientist and author of “Wired for Love: A Neuroscientist’s Journey Through Romance, Loss and the Essence of Human Connection.”, who breaks down the effect of love on the human brain and how we are all wired to make connections:
What exactly happens to the brain when we are in love?
When we’re falling in love with someone, the first thing we notice is how good it feels. It’s because the brain releases feel-good neurotransmitters that boost our mood. When we find love, it is like biological fireworks. Our heart rate is elevated, our levels of the so-called love hormone oxytocin are rising, which makes us feel connected. Our levels of the hormone and neurotransmitter norepinephrine are spiking, which makes us lose track of time; our levels of adrenaline rise, which expands the capillaries in our cheeks and makes us flush.
Meanwhile, our levels of serotonin, a key hormone in regulating appetite and intrusive anxious thoughts, fall down. So, when we are in love we might find ourselves eating irregularly or fixating on small details, worrying about sending “the perfect text,” “saying the perfect words” and then replaying the text or the phone call over and over again in our head.
Then, when we start feeling a deep sense of calm and contentment with our partner, brain areas are activated that trigger not just basic emotions, but also more complex cognitive functions. This can lead to several positive results, like pain suppression, more compassion, better memory and greater creativity. Romantic love feels like a superpower that makes the brain thrive.
Is love necessary for survival?
According to Hope Reese of The New York Times, in an article - How Love Changes Your Brain, she talked about love being a biological necessity, just like water or exercise or food. She of the belief that, a healthy love life — which could include your beloved partner, your closest circle of friends, your family and even your favorite sports team — is as essential to a person’s well-being as a good diet.
She also stated that, love — in the holistic, expansive way, is the opposite of loneliness. When we look at the absence of positive and healthy relationships, we see a cascade of physical and mental disadvantages — from depression to high blood pressure to diabetes to sleep fragmentation.
If you don’t feel that you have a meaningful relationship, it’s as if you are socially thirsty, and your brain sends a signal to tell you that you need to help your social body. Some of the same alarms activated when people are thirsty are activated when people feel socially disconnected from others. The key is not to suppress these feelings. They are meant to help us survive; we are meant to do something about it.
The Value of Love to Humanity
From building family units and growing the society, seeking security and safety, to finding common ground that allows for growth and development within a community, we all seek love. Humanity would be nothing without it.
When we love we are not afraid to be vulnerable, in fact one of the best expressions of love is by showing our vulnerability. While some may view this as a weakness, it is actually the opposite, as it is the building block of trust and compassion – a sign of emotional strength, courage and maturity.
Love is a catalyst for progress, it gives us the patience to overcome prejudices and implicit biases. It makes us rethink our values and act more ethical in our dealings with each other. It helps us build connections with one another, even when we think we have nothing in common. It arouses empathy and acceptance, and a great motivator for action and sacrifice for others. It promotes humor, we are able to laugh at ourselves and with each other, fostering greater opportunities for communication, friendships and collaborations.
We all have the power within us to change the world. When we tell ourselves nothing we do makes a difference, we are simply putting negativity into the world, perpetuating a destructive cycle. The little positive actions we carry out may seem like insignificant little drops of water, but those little drops collect to form a mighty ocean of good that can bring peace and progress to the world.
With little love, there will be less wars, less of people trying to subjugate, persecute or eliminate others. Instead we will be more tolerant, understanding and forgiving of one another.
In general, love creates gentler souls and gentler souls create a gentler world.
Reflection Point
Do you find it easy to connect with people? Why or Why not?
How conscious are you of your biases? Are you aware when biases influence your thoughts/actions?
Do you struggle with Prejudice? Can love overcome prejudice?
What is the role of forgiveness in love to you? How do you deal with forgiveness and reconciliation when love is challenged or betrayed?
What do you tolerate from someone you love, but absolutely condemn in others? Do you find yourself thinking in terms of us vs them?
How does love contribute to the well-being and connection of humanity as a whole?
How can we cultivate a more loving society for future generations?
Next Steps
Live and let live is a refrain I heard throughout my youth, and for me it sums up how to love. We are told that love is kind, love is sharing, it is unselfish and caring, but considering all the stressors we have to deal with in our daily lives, it takes conscious effort to remember these simple things and show love to one another – even to those we genuinely care about – as we all struggle for survival.
We always have to remind ourselves that to receive love, we have to give love. Love brings us together, and it is in that togetherness that we find strength to support each other to achieve our goals. We have to stop and think and learn to be more deliberate in our approach to people and the world around us.
How do you show love to those around you? Here are practical steps to help you cultivate love in your life and the lives of those around you:
1. Practice Self-Love
Acknowledge Your Worth: Start by recognizing your value. Engage in positive self-talk and create affirmations that reinforce your self-esteem.
Set Boundaries: Know your limits and protect your mental and emotional health by setting boundaries with others.
2. Cultivate Empathy
Active Listening: Make a conscious effort to listen to others without interrupting. Validate their feelings and show genuine interest in their perspectives.
Perspective-Taking: Try to understand situations from others' viewpoints. This will deepen your emotional connections.
3. Foster Relationships
Reach Out: Make an effort to connect with family and friends regularly. Schedule catch-ups or simply check in to show you care.
Be Supportive: Offer help and encouragement to loved ones during challenging times, fostering a sense of community.
4. Express Gratitude
Daily Gratitude Practice: Write down three things you are grateful for each day. This practice helps you focus on the positive aspects of your life and enhances your capacity to love.
Acknowledge Others: Express appreciation to those around you. A simple thank-you can strengthen bonds and create a positive environment.
5. Be Present
Mindfulness: Engage in mindfulness practices such as meditation or breathing exercises. Being present can enhance your awareness and appreciation of the moments you share with others.
Quality Time: Dedicate time to your loved ones without distractions. Enjoy shared activities or engage in meaningful conversations.
6. Practice Forgiveness
Letting Go: Learn to forgive past grievances. Holding onto resentment can impede your ability to love fully. Reflect on what you can learn from difficult experiences and move forward.
Seek Forgiveness: If necessary, take the initiative to apologize to those you may have wronged. This can repair and strengthen relationships.
7. Show Kindness
Acts of Kindness: Engage in small acts of kindness every day. This could be as simple as holding the door open for someone or complimenting a colleague.
Volunteer: Consider serving your community or helping those in need. This not only spreads love to others but also enriches your own life experience.
8. Stay Open to Growth
Embrace Change: Love can thrive in different forms. Stay open-minded about how your relationships and understanding of love may evolve over time.
Learn Continually: Read books, attend workshops, or engage in discussions about love and relationships. Equip yourself with knowledge that enhances your emotional intelligence.
Further Reading
The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis
Act of Love: Radically Reprogram Your Mind by Kino MacGregor
Nicomachean Ethics by Aristotle
“Wired for Love: A Neuroscientist’s Journey Through Romance, Loss and the Essence of Human Connection.” by Stephanie Cacioppo
Citation
How Does Love Affect Our Physical Health? March 11, 2017 https://www.canopyhealth.com/how-does-love-affect-our-physical-health/
Love and the Brain by Scott Edwards, 2015
https://hms.harvard.edu/news-events/publications-archive/brain/love-brain